i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
