Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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