How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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