so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
