brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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