I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
