Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
