He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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