Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
