Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
