just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
