Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
