like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
