he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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