Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
