Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
