My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She needs sedatives and a leash
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
