my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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