we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
