Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
