Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
