Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We left an ass print on the piano.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
