She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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