Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
