there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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