She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
