just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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