Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
