why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
