Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
