Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
