I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
