I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
