Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
