i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize