You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
