I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
