I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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