I have demons in me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
