The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Never joke about your clitoris.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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