On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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