A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
