i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize