I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
