I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
