jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
