if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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