weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
