great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
