So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
