imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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