I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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