Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
