When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize