yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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