well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
