Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
