I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
