were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
