I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
