If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
