My room smells like vodka and shame
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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