mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
