you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think I just sharted jello shots
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
