Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I came so hard my ears popped.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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