I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
