with your own penis?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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