I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
