there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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