I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
