Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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