mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
