He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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