Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
