Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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