Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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