And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
