so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She's the barista slut.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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