i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
