by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
