My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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