Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
