I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
