No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
